Failure Pins

Recently, I experienced another first day of school. Sometimes we get to choose our moments of vulnerability; we choose to tell someone we love them, submit an application, or ask for a raise. But not always. Sometimes a professor begins cold calling students, or someone is unexpectedly critical of a belief or behavior. Be it planned or spontaneous, opening up to the possibility of ridicule, failure, or humiliation is rarely comfortable.

I’ve never managed to eliminate embarrassment from my life, but I hold three firm beliefs that keep me stumbling back into the arena when failure has injured my ego.

     1. Personal worth is not the same as personal success.

It may not be readily apparent to me, but for those who respect and value my character, it is obvious that flunking an exam or singing off key in church does not diminish my worth.

     2. Success cannot occur without the possibility of failure.

In general, praiseworthy successes necessitate risk; the risk of a failed business, stuttering during a speech, or discovering a deep love to be unreciprocated.

     3. Failure is deeply and intrinsically valuable.

This belief is possibly the least popular, but I believe the value of mistakes are frequently overlooked due to the discomfort often experienced in tandem with failure. Without value, the act of falling short becomes an irritating or shameful piece of humanity to avoid or cope with. If failure provides no difference in depth of knowledge, perspective, or end result, then it is essentially taking the long route to success and should be avoided. Mistakes, however, are not simply the process of taking a long time to understand the right answer, nor are they the inefficient method of weeding out the “wrong” until eventually only the “right” remains.

Mastery of a skill or concept comes from a smooth and efficient neural network [1, p 18]. Neural structure and connectivity are in constant flux as new material is learned, old material is forgotten, and active material is reinforced [1, p 15]. An individual who is learning changes their brain in three ways; if a neural pathway doesn’t exist, one is created; if it exists, the pathway is strengthened; if two disconnected neurons need connecting, they are connected [1, p 18].

The efficiency of these neural pathways (which utilize electromagnetic waves to transmit information) is deeply connected to an insulative tissue called myelin [4, p 38]. The more myelin a circuit is coated with, the more insulated (and therefore efficient) a neuron’s firing will be. Myelin is built up by the repeated use of a neural path, thus intense, undistracted focus on a task isolates the particular neural path of interest and causes myelination solely for that network [4, p 38]. It is not, however, strictly deep focus that develops myelin. Neural circuits develop into extremely efficient myelin-coated pathways by pressing the boundaries of one’s ability and going through an iterative process of mistake making and correcting [1, p 50].

It isn’t the most palatable thought, but this is not about being someone who does or does not make mistakes; this is about being someone who does or does not try. In his speech at Sorbonne, Theadore Roosevelt’s sharp words were almost painfully accurate; “… there is no effort without error or shortcoming…” [5].

That really sounds glass-half-empty to me. However, if this be the case, the sting of failure does not need to become full-blown shame. If failure indicates effort, then frequent failure is a sign of growth, striving, and developing identity. James Clear argues that habits are the practice of becoming someone [3, p 41]. Creating habits that support mistakes and strip them of their shame will accumulate proof of perseverance, curiosity, and conviction [3, p 37].

Pins become, quite literally, badges of honor. They are tangible, glittering things that represent not only my courage in trying, but also my motivation to keep trying.

In many workplaces, there is an overwhelming pressure to know everything or else be viewed as incompetent. This paralyzing philosophy, strangely, is true even in places where most employees are expected to lack knowledge (why should a student take a class if they already know the content?). So instead I’ve chosen to embrace failure. I was never athletically, artistically, or intellectually invincible anyway.

References

1. Boaler, J. (2019). Limitless Mind: Learn, Lead and Live Without Barriers. London: Harper Thorsons.

2. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, NY: Gotham Books.

3. Clear, J. (2018). Atomic habits an Easy & proven way to build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. New York, NY: Avery, an imprint of the Penguin Random House LLC.

4. Newport, C. (2016). Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World. New York: Grand Central Publishing.

5. Roosevelt, T. (April 23, 1910). Speech at the Sorbonne, Paris.Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. New York, NY: Gotham Books.