Thinking on Traditional Femininity

Traditional femininity has been at the forefront of my mind over the past several months. I love driving manual cars, butchering my own meat, fixing household appliances, and solving physics problems, but something of the manner in which I hold myself has felt lacking.

Until recently, I understood feminine behavior and appearance to be either weak or sexualized. Despising both options, I deliberately chose to cultivate my traditionally masculine qualities; I played in the dirt, pursued careers in male-dominated fields, and strove for self-sufficiency. Certainly, none of these skills are bad to have, and every person naturally carries with them both masculine and feminine features. However, it seems terribly ironic that the standard western interpretation of a “strong woman” is now largely masculine. The story I found woven into my neural network was that strong women are pushy CEOs wearing pantsuits. Living this ideology unawares had led me to discredit the strength of many incredible, yet deeply and traditionally feminine, women. I find there is little mention of the subtler strengths which produce deep and lasting impact through gentleness and delicate expressions of empathy, respect, and love.

The purpose of this is not to press women into dismissing beloved pursuits and characteristics that happen to be masculine, but to acknowledge that pursuing femininity requires vulnerability and learned confidence. If I am to practice feminine behaviors, I must consider the reality that I will be assessed by the standard measuring stick. Since I am not hoping to achieve hyper-sexualization or extreme domesticity, not only will I be measured incorrectly, but I will never measure up. And that has to be okay.

My true goal in this endeavor is to appreciate the features that God gave to me in greater measure than He did to men. To learn how these characteristics may bring more joy, love, and friendship to those around me, and how resting in what God made me to be might give me the opportunity to fully appreciate that He knows best. Meditating on these considerations, I decided to start by working to feel more beautiful and engage with beautiful things I previously deemed “too feminine”. My start-up list comes to:

1. Sewing, particularly clothes

   
   

2. Cooking meals that are truly delicious and baking desserts that are truly decadent

   
   

3. Dressing more femininely more frequently

   
   

4. Putting my hair up nicely more frequently

   
   

5. Ballroom dancing

   
   

I look on the training for these tasks with more apprehension and expected frustration than chicken butchering or house repairs (which are not only more familiar to me, but feel inherently powerful). I have long sought to engage life through gritty knowledge of basic needs, yet these five skills are based in the human experience – the luxury of living well and intentionally when needs have already been met.

Here we go.